Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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