Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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