Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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