I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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