I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
