no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
