Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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