i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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