I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The best revenge is premature balding
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize