Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
