Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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