still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
