His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
