also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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