is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
