if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
