clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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