im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
