last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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