So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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