You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
