I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
