Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
