I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
