Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
