The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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