I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
