Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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