Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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