I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
