I got chris browned last night
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
