She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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