Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
