I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So many bounce houses so little time
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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