I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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