sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
His nipple licking is glorious
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