White coat. Heels.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
