he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
