Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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