He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
