I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
