bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
