Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
