btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
