Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize
