You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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