You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
