Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
