You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
