im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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