We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
