Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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