So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
