He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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