32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
