the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
