It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
