Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
