Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
