why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
