And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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