TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
