I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just forgot I was standing up.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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