I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
