remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
