I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
