stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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