Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize