I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
