Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
