AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
