I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
