I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
