He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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