My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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