Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
